Fig. 1: Soon, you could go to jail in California for serving this iced tea to a child. And for two separate and distinct violations.

No. I’m not kidding.

Straws are already “illegal” to serve in certain California jurisdictions. From SFGate.com:

Santa Barbara approves jail time for straw ban violators

by Filipa Ioannou

As bans on plastic straws are cropping up in municipalities up and down the West Coast, Santa Barbara has escalated things with a ban that includes the possibility of jail time for repeat plastic straw-distributing offenders.

The Santa Barbara ordinance makes it illegal for businesses to hand out plastic straws, and they’re also forbidden from handing out plastic cutlery without first confirming the customer wants it.

Each individual straw distributed reportedly counts as a separate violation, and a second violation can trigger fines from $100 up to $1,000, and six months in jail. Assistant City Attorney Scott Vincent told Reason that in practice, jail time would only be considered for repeat offenders under especially egregious circumstances.

Okay, so let the memes commence:

This is not a statewide ban yet. Yet. But hell. You know it’s coming.

Reason.com weighed in, the Libertarian journal.

But moreover, why is that solitary plastic tumbler of iced tea so offensive, and why would it possibly warrant two — count ’em, two — distinct and separate offenses in the eyes of Fornicalia lawmakers?

Here’s a law that is about to be passed. From SacBee.com:

KIDS’ MEALS WOULD HAVE TO BE MARKETED WITH WATER OR MILK UNDER CALIFORNIA BILL

by Alexei Koseff

Would you like water or milk with that?

In an effort to combat childhood obesity and other diseases linked to sugar consumption, California may soon require restaurants to serve water or unflavored milk as the default beverage for children’s meals that pair a food item with a drink.

Senate Bill 1192, which passed the Assembly on Thursday, would allow customers to specifically order alternatives, such as soda or juice. The bill is silent on whether the restaurant would have to change extra for the substitute.

“Kids’ meals shouldn’t come with a side order of diabetes, obesity or cardiovascular disease,” said Assemblyman Kevin McCarty, D-Sacramento, who carried a cup with nine packets of sugar draped over the side to demonstrate how much sugar is in a small soda.

AYFKM? Of course not. No one in California has a sense of humor.

Certainly none of the CARG, or what I term the California Reich Gestapo.

BZ