You have been warned: Bovard’s column is rife with hateful stereotyping and mean-spirited bullying.

“Almost half of the more than 2,000 bisexual students at universities experienced food and/or housing insecurity, compared to about one-third of their heterosexual peers,” researchers found.

The study also uncovered that “more than one in five bisexual community college students and 18% of homosexual community college students experienced homelessness, compared to 11% of their heterosexual peers.”

You can read the rest of the breathless, melodramatic article if you can withstand the pain, oh, the pain. Cue Dr Smith.

One must ask: there has to be a good reason for this, correct? Clear and obvious bias by stores nationwide who refuse to sell food to the bisexual community, the LGBT community? Histories of keeping bisexuals and gays from good jobs, keeping them out of the general economy? Continuing discrimination by states and the federal government against bisexuals and gays in terms of acquiring food stamps or meal assistance? Being able to clearly create said bias because, as we all know, every bisexual sticks out like the proverbial sore thumb.

After all, there are no solutions to hunger. Or are there? How odd is it that YouTube removed my ability to embed this video offering a solution to college hunger?

In college I was on my own. I had a car payment and insurance and an apartment to pay for. I worked five jobs from roughly 5 AM to, sometimes, 11 PM. Weekdays and weekends. Same for classes. I was young. I could take it. I didn’t know any better. It was what you did. On top of that I found the time to drink heavily, swive women, be happy and — evidently — be blissfully ignorant of my terribly oppressive college plight.

Then there’s this from USAToday.com:

Starvation issues in universities? The real college problem is obesity.

by James Bovard

A new report claims college students are ‘food insecure’ and starving. But better research shows they’re overweight and lazy.

Starvation might be stalking among college students, according to shocking headlines in Newsweek and elsewhere, and The Washington Post warns of “The hidden crisis on college campuses.”

In reality, last week’s report from Temple University and Wisconsin HOPE Lab is typical of the baloney that spawns policy hysteria nowadays.

Oh my God. Cue the exploding Leftist heads.

Temple University/HOPE researchers assert that 36% of four-year college students and 42% of community college students are “food insecure” — a vaporous term beloved by pro-welfare advocates.

“Food insecure”? They’re not acquiring a sufficient caramel shot in their MaccaFrappaChoppaRippaLatte’s? The twist of lemon is too meager? You can’t get a gluten-free Twinkie or Bergers Cookie? Perhaps they should be more concerned about being “test insecure” with regard to their studies, their classes?

This analysis is modeled on the Department of Agriculture’s annual Food Security survey. USDA is emphatic that its survey does not measure hunger, but that neon-sized warning sign was ignored by this study (titled “Still Hungry and Homeless in College”).

“It does not measure hunger”? Then what’s the damned point? Translated: it appears these people aren’t actually starving. In fact, the reverse may be true.

But wait. Here’s how stupid it really gets.

Temple/HOPE respondents were asked questions such as whether they feared “food would run out before I got money to buy more,” or “Did you ever eat less than you felt you should because there wasn’t enough money for food?” Redefining hunger as abstaining from second servings makes for a push-button crisis.

It gets better.

The study asserts that 26% of students with a college meal plan are “food insecure.” Did they oversleep and miss breakfast? 

Precisely. That’s how dire are the current circumstances for bisexual and LGBT students in American colleges. Thank you. Just where were the persons responsible for waking them for daily meals? Who should be punished? Their parents? Government aids? Friends? Relatives?

But wait BZ. Don’t we ship cash to students? Can’t programs be identified, located and then subscribed-to? Where is all this taxpayer cash going?

Half the respondents who received Pell grants ($26.6 billion for 7 million low-income students in 2016) were labeled “food insecure.”

This study offers no clues on what happened to that largesse — or to the other $100 billion in federal assistance provided to college students in 2016.

I suspect it really will take another level of government to solve this incredibly-serious problem.

Apparently, no matter how many handouts government provides, students still cannot be expected or trusted to feed themselves.

You see? Just as I suggested. Bisexual and LGBT students need further government assistance in terms of figuring out how to eat, when to eat and where to eat. How can they be expected — with all the chaotic trauma in their lives — to keep track of any of it? They are the victims here.

Please read the rest of Bovard’s article because, frankly, the silliness of it all is becoming tedious.

Bisexuals, gays, lesbians, LGBT members are such incredible dullards as to fail to realize where to go for assistance, how to get it, whom to call, and where Kraft Mac N Cheese resides. They cannot be counted on to ask friends, check programs, consult parents, walk into a grocery store?

Yet they somehow managed to navigate the bloody, chummed waters of government student loans — the point is that they’re poor, right, so they need loans? —  but somehow lack the requisite fecundity to open their mouths and feed themselves?

But wait. We need to address this massive issue as well. Ahem. Don’t we?

Thank Gaia. I was about to faint due to lack of food and Leftist navel gazing.