Heard in London recently: “You there! Put down that butter knife!”

Just when you thought Leftists couldn’t become more imbecilic — well, they become more inbecilic.

From the UKTelegraph.com:

Knives are too sharp and filing them down is solution to soaring violent crime, judge says

by Joel Adams

A judge has proposed a nationwide programme to file down the points of kitchen knives as a solution to the country’s soaring knife crime epidemic.

Last week in his valedictory address, retiring Luton Crown Court Judge Nic Madge spoke of his concern that carrying a knife had become routine in some circles and called on the Government to ban the sale of large pointed kitchen knives.

Latest figures show stabbing deaths among teenagers and young adults have reached the highest level for eight years, and knife crime overall rose 22 per cent in 2017.

In the past two months, he said, there have been 77 knife-related incidents in Bedfordshire, including three killings.

Thank God I wasn’t drinking a carbonated beverage when creating this post. Oh, the humanity!

Judge Madge told the assembled  judges, barristers and court staff: “These offences often seem motiveless – one boy was stabbed because he had an argument a couple of years before at his junior school.”

He said laws designed to reduce the availability of weapons to young would-be offenders had had “almost no effect”, since the vast majority had merely taken knives from a cutlery drawer.

One easy remedy is to ban cutlery drawers. Further, cutlery drawers should be eliminated from future homes and homes being built now. That would solve a good portion of the UK’s issue with knife crime.

He asked: “But why we do need eight-inch or ten-inch kitchen knives with points?

“Butchers and fishmongers do, but how often, if at all, does a domestic chef use the point of an eight-inch or ten-inch knife? Rarely, if at all.”

Good point. The UK banned guns. It’s well and truly time to ban knives. Sporks will just have to do.

This could create another new burgeoning industry entirely: food resembling the pablum of infants. Think of the children!

Why cut your food when there’s no need? Simply create food which is mixed in blenders or, at room temperature, can be spread with a spork. The problem with that is that, sooner or later, the UK will have to deal with the pointy edges of a spork. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.

So, he said: “I would urge all those with any role in relation to knives – manufacturers, shops, the police, local authorities, the government – to consider preventing the sale of long pointed knives, except in rare, defined, circumstances, and replacing such knives with rounded ends.

“It might even be that the police could organise a programme whereby the owners of kitchen knives, which have been properly and lawfully bought for culinary purposes, could be taken somewhere to be modified, with the points being ground down into rounded ends,” he said.

As the British are wont to say: brilliant!

This was on par with the previous year’s 212 stabbing deaths but a marked increase on the 186 in the year to March 2015.

Of course, we must realize that Islam has absolutely nothing to do with the increase in knife crimes. Absolutely nothing.

• When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns;
• When knives are outlawed, only outlaws will have knives;
• When baseball bats are outlawed, only outlaws will have baseball bats;
• When heavy lamps are outlawed, only outlaws will have heavy lamps;

And.  .  .

• When rocks are outlawed, only outlaws will have rocks.

The UK should take solace in the fact that their crime rate has surpassed that of New York City. Now there’s something of which to be proud.

BZ