Or:

“I Wasted Three Hours of My Time So You Won’t Have To”

by BZ

Though those were three hours of my life I won’t be able to get back, the time was ameliorated by the fact that I first went to go see The Big Short (an excellent film actually worth seeing), then theater-hopped to H8ful Eight.  Thusly I paid no money to Quentin Tarantino.  I made it up to the theater by purchasing two bags of popcorn and two cokes, a set for each film.

I cannot say anything bad about Ennio Morricone’s score, a film composer responsible for classic western themes such as “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly,” “Once Upon the Time In the West,” the “Dollars” films with Clint Eastwood.  Overall, an excellent choice by Tarantino, as he has used Morricone before.

That said, the film attempts to be a bit of what it’s not — a sprawling landscape spectacular.  And it isn’t.  Certainly the Colorado ranch on which it was shot is a gorgeous locale, but the film doesn’t have the exterior brilliance and impact of Innaritu’s “Revenant” though it would appear Tarantino is attempting precisely that, with his lengthy and lingering shots of snow and rolling hills.  He just doesn’t have the chops to pull it off and instead of stunning, the shots quickly become, like the rest of the movie, tedious.

Finally, it would appear that this film primarily exists as a celluloid/digital excuse for Tarantino to have his actors say the word “nigger” as many times as possible.  Not just Samuel L. Jackson; oh no.  Every actor on the set, save perhaps two.

Once you slog through all three hours of this monstrosity you hope there’s some kind of “payoff.”  You’d be wrong.  Tarantino wants the “payoff” to be a statement about race cooperation (Walton Goggins “comes around,” you see).  Instead, the “payoff” is trite and too little for too much patience and time expenditure.

In summary?

The movie is too long, too insipid, the director is a jerk, and you’ll hear the word “nigger” spoken, I’d wager, easily over a hundred times.

If that’s your cup of tea, have at it.

Otherwise, stay away.

You’re welcome.

BZ