Yesterday, April 13th, was my father’s 89th birthday, and he is not here to celebrate it with me and the family.I had to move my father, due to health issues, from his house on November 6th of last year. It killed me to do this. His health continued, unfortunately, to deteriorate. He did, finally, make it back to his own house for a week. He had to be transported back to the hospital on Saturday, February 7th; he couldn’t walk or move. He passed away four days later, on Wednesday, February 11th.
He missed his 89th birthday by sixty-two days.
I drove by my father’s home on Monday. It has a FOR SALE sign out front. This is tough for me to see. Dad purchased this house for $4,600 in 1946. I can remember him saying it cost him $34 a month and he didn’t know how he’d possibly make the payments at the time.
Only one family has lived in this house — mine — for sixty-three years. It pains me to know, in some kind of strange and convoluted fashion that, when it sells, this is a place I will never be able to visit again, that will no longer be reassuring and a source of comfort. I will be forbidden from going there ever again.
After visiting the house, I drove to the gravesite of my parents. I brought a bouquet of flowers for their plaque. It was a beautiful day as you can see; mostly clear, blue skies. I shed tears nevertheless. At my advanced age, it is still very tough to take; in many ways I feel like an abandoned child. My rational mind tells me this is a preposterous thought.
A small propeller plane flew overhead just as I stood at the foot of my parents’ grave. I looked up and waved.
“Hi Dad,” I said. “Perfect timing.”
BZ
Very touching, moving post, bz.
Happy birthday to your dad.
Only one family has lived in this house — mine — for sixty-three years. It pains me to know, in some kind of strange and convoluted fashion that, when it sells, this is a place I will never be able to visit again, that will no longer be reassuring and a source of comfort. I will be forbidden from going there ever again. You know, it may not hurt to ask whatever family moves in, should the mood strike you, to pay a visit and reminisce. You never know…explained adequately, people with a heart may be moved and quite understanding.
Just don’t rule it out, simply because it’s not the norm in societal decorum.
Tomorrow it will be two years since my father passed away.
He was my best friend and I miss him daily.
As with you I grew up in the house my family had built in 1950, it’s the only home I ever knew and is still in the family. No one lives there beside a crew who keeps it up. We use it for family get togethers and I wouldn’t think of ever selling it, it would just be to hard.
Happy Birthday to your father BZ.
Looks like you had a wonderful day.
O.K. another post that brought me to tears. ;0) Great post and thanks for sharing. It is amazing how much love God gives us for our parents and parents for their children. It is indescribable.
I actually did not have a great relationship with my father. Today is the first time I am visiting his grave since the headstone was put in. I just drove by his old house yesterday and I could not believe how much emotion that brought up.
As the years pass I am starting to forget all the pain and anger and concentrating on the good stuff.
He did give me a “green Thumb”…
Awesome post BZ, it helps me to prepare for today. Thanks.
As you already know, I didn’t have a great relationship with my father, which is an understatement, and so I really don’t know what that’s like except through my children’s relationship with their father. Neither did we have a family home as we moved into rentals once or twice a year while I was growing up.
I’m trying to let you see that even though right now this is very tough (and I can tell because this post is so lovingly sweet it brought me to tears too) you have been very blessed, BZ.
I wish your father a Happy Birthday too. 🙂
Thank you for posting this.
Happy Birthday to your Dad. I know this was hard for you to type. But the emotions and love you showed through this are strong and from the heart.
The intangibles in life are a hard thing to express, as you said about your childhood house and the memories that belong to it.
We own a very old house, a National Historic Register House, and through the years we have owned it, some of the owners and owners childrend knocked on our door and wanted to come and visit “their” home. I completely understand why they wanted to do it.
We of course invited them in, made them lunch at one time dinner, sat around and talked about the house, and my husband and I left them alone in the house as we went outside. This was their house too, always will be, their memories are theirs and they deserve to have to memories whenever they want. I have told each person that has come to visit, they are always welcome back here. And it is never a bother for us, it is a pleasure.
I had seen sadness on some faces, and a few tears. But i know they left here with their memories more alive, an intangible gift from us and from God.
The love of your family and the love of your life comes through in this blog.
I wish you well and peace of mind and soul. You Father now rests with the angels.
Peace to you and your family.
Happy Birthday, Colonel.
Would you lean over to that Marine Sgt. on the golf course up there and let him know his son misses him, too?
BZ, memories do not become sweeter with time, but I think they become more cherished. Time heals the raw wounds, but I think we are not supposed to shed the essence of something very important in our lives, being now lost.
Thank you, Wordsmith.
Ranando: I’m sorry to read of that; but in truth, upon reflection, you and I are massively lucky insofar as we had our childhood in only one house. It’s great you can still keep it in the family.
Rivka: it’s still difficult to cope, but I’m learning, little by little, to make do.
CB: it’s amazing what events can be brought up by past sights, isn’t it? Glad I could help, even a little bit.
BZ
(ps – BZ – I tagged you.)
Gayle: it’s tougher than I could have imagined.
Cpdcoppurr: wow, thank you for visiting and thank you for taking the time to comment. Thank you very much for your kind comments. I’m starting to realize, as one brother said to me, “they’re just THINGS.” But it’s these “things” that take me back immediately to past events and times.
Cary: you know what, he’d be happy to. My Dad loved golf as well, so likely they’ve met already. And THANK YOU for the tag!
Maggie: more cherished with time? I can only hope so.
BZ
Happy Birthday to your tremendous Dad, BZ. Yesterday 22 years ago, my Mom’s dad died. I’ve never seen a more jpyous individual with a multitude of problems, he just looked to Christ in it all & rejoiced in Him. Oh, to be like that! From what you’ve shared of your Dad, he was quite a man. Praise God for him. God Bless you BZ.
It took me about 15 years (until last summer to be exact)to get over the loss of parents and of the home I grew up in.
My parents bought their house a month before I was born, and sold it 2 years before they died. That house was “home” to me.
Like you, I would occasionally drive by the old place.
However, last summer, finally, I went to the cemetery, and thought how stupid it was of me to go there as there was No One there.
Then, I drove by the old house. Funny to think the “new” people have been there for 17 years now.
When I hit the freeway about a mile later, I suddenly felt like a huge weight had been lifted. There is no need for me to go to either place again.
BZ, I hope it doesn’t take you as long as it did me to finally have peace with the loss of parents and home.
BZ,
You know I just did the same thing for my dad. I miss everyday. I think it’s no coincidence that having fathers who sound similiar we turned out to so alike.
As I said, we were lucky to be their sons.
David: thank you very much.
Cowgirl: on one hand I wish I could be at “that place;” on the other hand, I feel I just need to go through this beginning journey.
LOT: we were lucky in a myriad of ways — an aspect I think I’ll be writing about shortly.
BZ
I don’t believe they’re ever “Just things”, not the ‘things’ that housed our happiness and struggles and loving families…
This post brought tears to my eyes, too….what’s said here, and in all your posts on your dad, is the best of America. As nobody’s family is perfect, many are pretty darned good, and it’s so refreshing to hear about families like yours.
Maybe, with all the horrible things happening today here, it’s even more wonderful to be with you in these stories and remember our own happy days when this country WAS this country of hard working, loving families….
thanks, BZ God bless.
What an honor to your dad that you miss him this much.
Thanks, Z. . .
BZ