(Thanks, Terri!)
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you’re unique- Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.!
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
BZ
LOL :-))))–I absolutely love it!!!
They were all good but I especially loved this line:
“There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.”
Oooo! I get to plug Demotivators!
Adversity – That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Change (winds) – When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.
Cluelessness – There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
Consulting – If you’re not a part of the solution,there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Despair – It’s always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Discovery – A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.
Doubt – In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.
Insanity – It’s difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you’re insane.
Madness – Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “Hey, is there room in your head for one more?”
Trouble – Luck can’t last a lifetime unless you die young.
I really do enjoy that company! Such wonderful items for the office that look ‘just’ like the motivators… until you read them…
LOL, Good motivation and Zen sarcasm. I’ll be saving these for future use.
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I enjoyed the entire list, but this one’s my favorite: “If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”
Thanks, BZ!
WOW: in MY part of the world, that is SPOT ON about consulting!
That thing about women is nothing more than a Universal Constant.
BZ
Mr. Z – Seen more of the Consulting one in my work life than I care to talk about… ‘Yes, we can *solve* your problem… and invent new ones only we can address if you pay us enough…’
I do love the despair.com stuff… found them through thinkgeek.com… tons ‘o fun geekness…