Stunning Historical Discovery
By Peter Kirsanow
October 1, 2012 4:15 P.M.
Cambridge, Mass. — Celebrated historian Bertram Oxley has uncovered a memorandum from former Japanese Emperor Hirohito to Admiral Yamamoto dated December 6, 1941, showing that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was motivated by an offensive film made by Charlie Chaplin ridiculing Japanese cuisine.
“Contrary to historical accounts over the last seventy years,” Professor Oxley said in an interview today with the BBC, “What appeared to be a meticulously planned surprise attack was actually a spontaneous demonstration by moderate sushi connoisseurs in the Imperial Navy in response to a hateful and offensive movie. Thereafter, extremist elements within the Japanese military co-opted the spontaneous attack, transforming it into the overseas contingency operation sometimes referred to as ‘World War II.’”
The discovery has created a sensation in scholarly circles. “This is a remarkable find,” declared Reginald Smythe, chairman of the Progressive Historians Association and former Obama State Department official. “Had President Roosevelt condemned this movie — instead of uttering that infernal ‘Day of Infamy’ provocation — the war could have been avoided and millions of lives would have been saved.”
Reached at his home in Houston, former President George H. W. Bush, an aviator in the Pacific during the war, expressed skepticism. “It’s simply inconceivable that the Japanese First Air Fleet, with six aircraft carriers, could have staged a spur of the moment attack on an island thousands of nautical miles from the Japanese homeland with such stealth and precision.” Most experts dismissed Mr. Bush’s remarks, however, since it’s widely understood that World War II was primarily his son’s fault.
White House spokesman Jay Carney, asked this afternoon about the memo’s discovery stated, “Of course, hindsight’s 20-20. But one can only wonder how much pain and suffering could have been averted had FDR simply apologized to Hirohito at the outset.”
“Fortunately,” Carney continued, waving off questions from White House reporters anxious to return to questions about Mitt Romney’s grooming habits, “We’ve evolved to a more sophisticated strategy of leading from behind, so we’re unlikely to repeat the disastrous mistakes of the past.”
This theory will soon be taught in public schools beginning in Chicago and then Detroit.
BZ
How many nights of no sleep and how many bottles of Scotch did it take Peter Kirsanow to come up with THAT story? I would have expected a story like that to show up on April 1st, not on Oct 1st. He’s off by 6 months!
Yes, it’s a fictional story, but it’s the kind I’d expect to see in Mr Obama’s second term, ably abetted by the DEM/MSM, supported and “reasoned” by Jay Carney.
BZ
BZ, aka Mr. Maytag. Always agitating.
[looks around]
Who — me??
BZ
What a bunch of rubbish and hogwash! I cannot stand for Left to distort the truth and then feed to the most innocent and gullible, our children. I have had my boys watch footage of WWII and Vietnam and they know the truth.
It has to be up to the parents or even any family member to educate the children in their families about the real history of America.
Of course it is. But it’s the hogwash and the RE-WRITING of history you’ll see with a second term of Mr Obama. A second term of Obama will help to fortify and give credence to Leftist Revisionist History of this kind.
BZ
Perfect nonsense. The film version will be out as soon as Michael Moore gets out of the loony bin..
Of course it’s nonsense. But an example of what Obama and his Minions would love to do with another term — and the next 10 years.
Obama: OUT.
BZ
This story has as much credibility as does the story of some idiot’s video about Mohammad resulting in the attack on the Benghazi Consulate, yes?
BZ
P.S.
I love irony and snarky sarcasm by example.
BZ, it is a frightening scenario. Which is why I keep doing my best to educate my boys as best as I can. I will not have them ignorant about this nation’s history.